But you’ve already bought a ticket and there’s no turning back now.
I know I did anything I could to not feel; sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother and my asshole father and the press and all the boys I loved who wouldn’t love me back. Hell, I was gang raped and two days later I was back in class like nothing had ever happened. I mean, that must have hurt like hell, right? (…) I would give everything I have or will ever have just to feel pain again; to hurt. (…) And that’s the rub of all this, isn’t it? I can’t feel shit. I can’t feel anything. We think that pain is the worst feeling. It isn’t. How could anything be worse than this eternal silence inside of me? (…) I can’t take it anymore. I think I’m going batshit. I need to do something.